The Ghosts of Mothers Past
An homage to the stories that birth us
“There's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours began.” - M. Albom,
I am not a biological mother. However, I’ve always believed that I’m here to give birth in another way - to unearth the most genuine parts of myself and share them with others. It’s a good thing I had no idea how much work would be involved.
It has taken me a long time (as we measure time anyway) to realize that wanting to be seen before I knew myself was a recipe for disaster. Why? Because until I had dealt with the traumas handed down through my family tree, and made the conscious choice to let go of unhealthy coping mechanisms, I would just repeat and perpetuate unhealthy patterns. I was like an actress in soap operas, constantly changing roles while sticking to the script and dancing to canned music. You know the ones:
Victim of Love - Jar of Hearts, Luka
Soulmates Required - A Thousand Years, The Prophecy, I Think I’ve Loved You Before, Someone to Watch Over Me
Unrequitred Love - I Can’t Make You Love Me, Creep,
Imperfect Love - Fix You, Piece by Piece:
If you’re detecting a theme here, you’d be right. Most of us have been taught that we are only half of a whole, that we “need” someone to complete us. But as I started to work through the many dysfunctional versions of love I’d absorbed, I realized that the person I had to fall in love with was myself. Below are some of the songs that helped get me there:
King of Anything; Calling out the bullshit.
I’m Not Ready to Make Nice: Healing happens in its own time and way.
We Belong to the Light: Choosing to be together for the right reasons.
93 Million Miles From the Sun: Celebrating the larger, collective love we share.
Show the Way: Calling out and explaining the play.
Drops of Jupiter: I play this on the anniversary of my mother’s death each year. It’s a reminder that the love we are given at birth lives on in and is always available to us. It comforts me to think my mother (who wanted to be an astronomer) is doing her own tour of the galaxy.
I will leave you with a song that always brings me to tears. It is the raw, unpolished recording of Keala Settle giving birth to a part of herself as she sang This is Me for the first time. It was this performance that ultimately got the movie, The Greatest Showman greenlit for production. You can see and hear the fear, self-doubt, and self-consciousness in her voice, her posture, and her unwillingness to step out from behind the music stand. Keala was terrified, but she found the courage and self-love to do it anyway. Click HERE to listen to the song.
Even more magnificent and inspiring to me is how everyone in the room got behind her - how the voices of the other musicians became stronger, surer, and full of excitement as Keala found her way into the song. And when they realized she wasn’t just singing but knocking it out of the ballpark they grinned, jumped, danced, waved their arms, snapped their fingers, and cheered her on.
This is the kind of courage I want to bring to my life now. I’m done believing that how much money I have defines my worth and that I have to work at jobs I hate to survive. I want to use my voice - my stories, drawings, books, and songs - to mother myself into the best and brightest I can be. I want others to see and cheer me on and to do the same for them.
The wise and wonderful Patti Digh said, “The shortest distance between two people is a story.” I believe this is not only true but the key to healing our species and the planet as well. Stories allow us to be open and vulnerable with one another, to be honest and brave enough to ask and tackle tough questions. And, it is by creating and sharing stories that we learn what it means to be human and are able to give birth to our better selves.
With love,
Jena
P.S. This post is dedicated to my biological mom who taught me to love reading, appreciate differences, and always be kind. She loved me even when she didn’t always undersand me. And for that I will always be grateful. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.
Copyright 2025 by Jena Ball. All Rights Reserved.
Songs like This Is Me are inspiring but I find myself drawn to the sadness of and anger over the wasted time spent suffering until the song could not be denied. We are often so bad at living and learning, but so good at settling in to the drab camouflage of obedient followers hiding from the risks of edginess and liberating self expression. Thanks for the uncomfort!
Inspirational. Thank you.